


My Hokage

by YukiSkyes



Series: The Godaime Hokage Iruka-sama [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Could also be seen as friendship, Hokage!Iruka, M/M, could be seen as pre-slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-09
Updated: 2015-01-09
Packaged: 2018-03-06 20:06:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3146960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YukiSkyes/pseuds/YukiSkyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“ANBU is darkness, Kakashi. It’s the final frontier for those who either have nothing or everything to lose.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Hokage

**Author's Note:**

> After many, many false starts, I finally managed to write this. If you've seen the anime filler arcs dealing with Kakashi's past where he joined Root and everything, be prepared to throw all that out the window because I am taking liberties though I can't say I'm entirely uninfluenced by it. Well, since the episodes weren't in the manga (and even Kakashi Gaiden kind of sent me on a mind screw because what? Did Kakashi graduate into chuunin twice? Once when he was six and again when he was Obito and Rin's age? Or was he just a freakishly tall six year old? What? It just plain doesn't add up) I'm gonna take advantage of the lack of "canon-ness" to further the agendas of this story.
> 
> Oh and maybe to clear things up: Iruka = 24 and Kakashi = 21. Hey, if Minato managed to make Hokage so young, who's to say Iruka can't do the same?
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

The first time Kakashi was summoned to meet the new Hokage following the Sandaime’s retirement, he wasn’t sure what he had been expecting but he didn’t think this was it.

Upon stepping into the familiar office, the man who now sat behind the large wooden desk greeted him with a beautiful smile that softened the already gentle features of a youthful face framed by the smooth brown locks that had escaped the confines of the red cord tying the strands back into a low ponytail. Hazelnut eyes, open and honest, seemed to smile along with him.

He reminded him a bit of Minato-sensei but whereas his sensei always had a fine sheen of hardness underneath his tranquil exterior, the Godaime… didn’t. Everything about him was soft. He looked soft and he even _felt_ soft.

While he had heard of Umino Iruka’s varied feats in battle and his reputation, how did such a man come to inherit the title of Godaime Hokage? He didn’t look much older than Kakashi himself, even younger when he smiled. He also appeared very, for a lack of better words, naïve, so open that Kakashi wondered how he even made shinobi in the first place.

“Hello. This is our first time meeting isn’t it?” the Hokage asked, voice a soothing lilt almost like a lullaby.

Kakashi bowed. Regardless of how or why this man was Hokage, he was his leader now and he would answer accordingly.

“Yes, Hokage-sama. Hatake Kakashi, codename Hound, at your command.”

He heard a gentle chuckle over his bowed head and he wondered idly what he found to be so amusing.

“You can relax. I would like to simply ask something of you.”

Kakashi slowly lifted his head to stare at the man in confusion. Ask, not order. Such a thing was unheard of. When the Hokage asked something of their shinobi, it wasn’t actually a request but rather a polite order.

“As you know, with the Sandaime’s retirement and my new appointment to office, a lot of important people would like to meet me.”

“You wish for me to be your bodyguard,” Kakashi immediately filled in. He didn’t know why the Hokage would be so roundabout in his request though. Wasn’t that a waste of time?

The Hokage’s expression was full of approval, however and he nodded. “Of course, there will be others but they’ll be hidden from view. You’ll be the only one visible by my side. Will you do it?”

And the gentle slope with which he asked the question gave him every chance to decline.

Was the Hokage really giving him the _option?_ Truly, he was soft and naïve. Shinobi lived and died by the Hokage’s words. He should know that himself. To give a shinobi the _option_ undermined his position as their leader. This kind of soft attitude could mean the downfall of a shinobi village but even so, he wasn’t in a position to say anything yet. For now, he’ll wait and watch. It was still too early to make such judgments. This man had been appointed Hokage for a reason after all and if nothing else, he trusted the Sandaime in his choice.

“I will,” Kakashi said instead, bowing once more.

The Hokage’s smile widened. “Then I look forward to working with you.”

\---

The first of the noble dignitaries arrived at early morning later that same week.

The Hokage greeted them with the polite and refined dignity reminiscent of the Sandaime, all smiles and perfect poise and it was clear that he had spent some time with the retired old man.

Kakashi stood mutely beside the Hokage throughout the proceedings, a stoic but unobtrusive guard, there if one cared to notice but otherwise relegated into the background. He focused everything on detecting threats from the people and environment around them, keeping track of every entranceway and possible hiding locations as well as a constant monitor on who was in the room at any given time.

But even still he found himself subtly observing his new Hokage as well, curious how he would handle the teeth of diplomacy and carefully woven deception.

Their guests had taken an immediate shine to the new Hokage, which was unsurprising considering his sweet demeanor. But as in all things political, many of them, the fickle daimyou aside, probably took to it for reasons entirely different from his charming company. They saw it as an opening to take advantage of in any possible way they could, attracted to such apparent weakness like insects to honey.

With loose robes that made him look young and inexperienced, a long, elegant red kiseru held casually in one hand, and a friendly, wide-eyed expression on his face accompanied by an unassuming smile, he made it easy for people to approach and approach they did.

“Ah, Umino-sama! Congratulations on becoming Hokage!”

“Thank you, Takushi-sama. You are too kind,” the Hokage replied, bowing his head slightly in deference.

If Kakashi wasn’t mistaken, this was the lord who was currently feuding with another neighboring lord for wealth and land. He knew because he had been sent out to secretly escort the neighboring lord’s family to his brother’s estate for safety while faking their death. Of course, Takushi didn’t know that.

“How is Hiruzen-sama? Still in good health I hope?”

Name-dropping. This man was trying to seem more important by implying a personal connection with the Sandaime. How bold.

“He is well. I am so glad there is someone compassionate enough to ask after him,” the Hokage replied with a faint note of delight in his voice.

Takushi nodded his head with an obviously fake smile. “Yes, after all that he has done for me, I cannot but feel at least some concern over his wellbeing.”

Ah, now he was suggesting that the Godaime pick up on the obligations that the previous Hokage had apparently left behind.

Now this was starting to become problematic. No doubt Takushi was looking for the Hokage’s support in his struggles. Normally this wouldn’t be so much of a problem but in this case, Takushi was starting to gain a foothold and if he happened to be able to take over, it meant more power and therefore more sway but the neighboring lord had been a longtime supporter of Konoha, which was why they had sent shinobi in the first place. At this point though, they can’t afford to side with either, not when the outcome was still so unclear.

The ideal situation would’ve been that they handled it themselves so that whatever happened, Konoha wasn’t accountable for it. But now that one of those struggling lords was approaching them directly with the request for help hanging in the air, it seemed that it wasn’t possible to stay neutral for long.

“If I may ask, what has the previous Hokage done for you? I wish to know so that I may follow in his wisdom,” the Hokage said earnestly.

The raw honesty in his tone made Kakashi wince imperceptibly under his masks but still he forestalled any thoughts or opinions, continuing to watch and listen to how all this unfolded instead.

 “Well,” Takushi began with a faint, slyly pleased expression on his face, obviously thinking he had the Hokage hook, line, and sinker. “The previous Hokage had always come to the defense during times of strife in the land. Many times he has kept invaders at bay and I in turn repaid this kindness with open trade. A fine relationship wouldn’t you say?”

Embellishments. When Konoha mobilized shinobi in Takushi’s land, it wasn’t for anything near his personal interests but simply for the defense of Fire as a whole. At the same time though, it wasn’t exactly a lie either.

If the Hokage agreed here, Takushi would proceed to request their services and there would be no way to refuse after having just verified their good relations with each other. It would be as good as agreeing to help.

“It sounds as though you have quite the history with Sandaime-sama,” the Hokage said instead, sounding impressed. “May I know a little more of it?”

“Why yes,” Takushi said, blinking in slight surprise. He probably hadn’t expected the Hokage to ask about _him_ with such interest. “Hiruzen-sama and I have spent time together over tea while I occasionally advised and updated him on the current state of affairs.”

What a fancy way of saying he sat briefly with the Hokage once or twice in the past in order to discuss business and recruit shinobi help.

“That sounds wonderful!”

“Yes, doesn’t it?” Takushi asked, slightly smug, standing straighter in pride of his nonexistent accomplishments though the way the Hokage reacted to his words, he might as well have taken over a whole country by himself with a single senbon.

“I pride myself on the vast trade I allow through my lands.”

The Hokage nodded enthusiastically along, spurring Takushi on.

“It doesn’t matter what it may be, for the sake of the prosperity and the unity of our country, I will allow it! Why I have even allowed certain—ah…”

Takushi froze, eyes wide and face turning a bit pale. By the look on his face, he hadn’t actually meant to reveal that much.

The Hokage simply hummed noncommittally, putting the kiseru to his lips and pretended he hadn’t caught the slip even as Takushi tried to determine whether he had just been tricked into revealing more than he intended. With the Hokage’s apparent naiveté, however, Takushi himself couldn’t be sure whether it was done on purpose or not and thus couldn’t rightfully make any accusations lest he was wrong and ruined any chance at gaining the Hokage’s support in the future.

But with this, Takushi wouldn’t dare push further, not unless he wanted the Hokage to push as well.

Kakashi could already tell that a team was going to be dispatched to investigate this.

“You look unwell, Takushi-sama. Perhaps you should rest for a while,” the Hokage said, full of nothing but concern and giving away no indication that he had even noticed the implications of Takushi’s unfinished declaration.

The Hokage was giving Takushi an out and the lord took it with some obvious relief and a hasty farewell, giving other people a chance to approach though those who overheard the exchange were noticeably more cautious.

And for the rest of the day, Kakashi stood by in apparent amazement as the Hokage danced circles around the courtiers and self-important lords and ladies. He was like a single leaf in the breeze, flitting teasingly just beyond their grabbing fingertips.

The Hokage simply had a _way_ with people.

Over the course of the one day, many political transactions were made, relations reconfirmed, and information exchanged though often between the lines. More importantly however, the Hokage was able to manage an impression of a very polite, charismatic, charming, and quick-minded leader who might just be more cunning than he lets on underneath; all the things high society liked. And that had been the main purpose of such a gathering in the first place: to set up people’s initial expectations and impressions and from the looks of it, the Hokage succeeded overwhelmingly in garnering their approval.

Afterwards, when the celebration had ended and all the nobles had retired to leave the next morning, the Hokage returned to his office with Kakashi at his heels and plopped quite unceremoniously onto his chair, a glaring contrast to his earlier show of elegance and grace.

As soon as he was seated, a member of Kakashi’s own team in charge of the Hokage’s personal safety as well as various other ANBU squad leaders appeared to make their report. All was well.

When they were done, the Hokage dismissed all but Kakashi, who remained standing in the middle of the room.

“Thank goodness all that’s done with,” the Hokage sighed, taking off his hat before putting out his kiseru and stealing it up one of his sleeves. “If I have to posture for one more second with all those insufferable brown-nosers and vultures, I won’t be held accountable for what happens next.”

But Kakashi’s mind was elsewhere.

“Our first meeting. It was a test,” he couldn’t help but breathe in wonder.

It couldn’t have been anything else when the Hokage had first presented himself to Kakashi, not with the way he had made all those people dance. It was too much to have been mere coincidence and luck. The Hokage had mastered manipulation down to an art and Kakashi had fallen for it, fallen for it just like all the rest and if one of the best in ANBU had fallen for it, there was no way ordinary people with no training in looking beyond deception could’ve seen it either.

“Well, in a way, it was as much a test for you as it was for me,” the Hokage said, chuckling. “Amazing how much people reveal when confronted with those they view as weaker than them. Even with you I could see your hesitation when I asked for your services but you live up to your title. You didn’t question or protest or show any obvious signs of surprise or defiance.”

Kakashi carefully didn’t react but inwardly he started, wondering how he could have possibly known when his entire face was covered with a mask and when he hadn’t given any outward sign of his reservations.

“Hokage-sama, I didn’t mean to imply—”

The Hokage raised a placating hand and said with a knowing look, “It’s alright.”

How?

The Hokage grinned then, the corners of his mouth curled faintly with a touch of mischief in it and Kakashi thought he saw a peek of what the man who stood before him was re _ally_ like under wide doe eyes and the smiles he gave away like candy.

How does he know?

“Magic, Kakashi-san,” the Hokage replied wickedly, putting a finger to his lips, as though reading his mind.

Kakashi couldn’t help it. He was intrigued.

\---

Foreign dignitaries were quite a bit trickier than Fire dignitaries.

Konoha must retain a friendly yet powerful image to present to outsiders. Of course, this could be a very fine line to walk. Alliances between shinobi villages were precarious and while they wanted to show their hospitality in order to keep in their good grace, there was still security to worry about. No one wanted a repeat of the incident with Kumogakure and the Hyuugas.

Despite this, the Hokage managed to come up with quite the solution to this problem.

For the past few weeks before their foreign guests were due to arrive, it was chaotic in the office as the Hokage worked, tirelessly researching for a ways to improve the Sensing Barrier around Konoha so that there may be more precise methods of identifying intruders. All the while, he managed twice the inevitable workload that came with hosting foreign representatives. More often than not, the Hokage would be up all hours of the day, oftentimes not having slept at all, foregoing any rest, and sustained on nothing but tea.

Though Kakashi himself was busy with the preparations and his own duties, he could tell that the Hokage was doubly so. Every time he went to meet him, he looked more akin to a reanimated corpse than an actual person. But even still, Kakashi could see the stubborn fire burning in the Hokage’s every clipped movement and in his expressive face set into a deep scowl of concentration. From the looks of it, he was living off of willpower and determination alone.

The Hokage seemed to have made this his own personal mission of sorts and Kakashi could admire that kind of dedication to the safety of the village.

When sufficient research had been done and all the necessary materials gathered, the Hokage began busily implementing the new system itself around Konoha.

Based on records of the Nidaime’s ability to differentiate between the chakra of different populations, the new barrier had an increased sensitivity that not only detected chakra signatures but also their original place of origin which is represented in the Sensing Water Sphere with different colors.

In addition, the barrier now had a defense mechanism built in. All foreign shinobi required the Hokage’s express authorization or invitation before they could enter upon which a near undetectable fragment of the Hokage’s chakra attached itself to them as they passed through the barrier for tracking purposes. The chakra was impossible to remove unless the Hokage himself diffused it.

Those who tried to enter forcefully would not only be trapped within the barrier but also become subjected to an intense paralyzing shock of electricity while those who attacked the barrier directly would find their attacks reflected back. Both cases would then trigger a chakra signal which would alert the Hokage and any surrounding shinobi of a trespasser.

With this new system in place, the previous weakness of the Sensing Water Sphere was mitigated as they were now able to not only know the strength, number, and origin of intruders but they also have a more definite way to track them as well without actually needing to scout for them first.

It was impressive to say the least. Truly, the Hokage’s fame in barrier techniques was well earned.

The days seemed to blur together in a busy haze and before Kakashi knew it, the first of their foreign visitors arrived at the gates of Konoha in a grandiose procession of well-wishes and Kakashi was once again standing stiffly by the Hokage’s side, senses at high alert.

Unlike with the Fire dignitaries, however, the Hokage wasn’t nearly as open with the foreign representatives that came for tea and conversation and formalities fraught with an undercurrent of a tangle of tension.

The Hokage kept the same friendly, polite, and approachable countenance but having seen him at the gathering of Fire nobles, Kakashi could tell that he was significantly more guarded, a smooth, clear sheen of glass over wickedly sharp shards just underneath that stabbed to the surface occasionally in quick strikes.

 _Ah,_ Kakashi had thought with startled realization, _Almost like Minato-sensei and Sandaime._

But not quite the same.

Whereas his sensei and the Sandaime had a _presence_ about them that seemed to fill a whole room, the Godaime was the exact opposite. Instead, he had something a lot more subtle about him that always felt like there was something more underneath.

That aura of hidden reserve commanded a certain level of respect all the same for the way it made people, but shinobi especially, wary and on edge after all, of all the things shinobi _hated_ most, it was a missing knowledge.

While the Hokage’s open personality may have worked most to his favor with the Fire nobles, with ambassadors of different shinobi villages, such a thing would’ve been disastrous and even dangerous. Konoha as a shinobi village cannot show any weakness to outsiders and thus the Hokage, who represented Leaf itself, cannot show openness. Here, the most effective way to exert influence was to do so without having to actually do or say anything directly and with the way the Hokage negotiated and reaffirmed treaties and alliances with steady yet firm direction, he knew this well.

Kakashi found himself filled with approval for his new Hokage.

\---

Kakashi didn’t keep in regular contact with the Hokage much after that beyond mission briefings and direct reports.

Every time he visited after a mission, however, the Hokage always had a bright smile and a happy look on his face as he greeted him, as though he was relieved to see Kakashi come back safe and sound.

Kakashi wouldn’t say it was disconcerting because that would imply that he was uncomfortable with it but it did certainly throw him off.

Minato-sensei greeted him with a smile every time he visited him as well but his smiles were a lot more sedate and Minato-sensei was his, well, his _sensei_ who he shared a kind of familial bond with.

The Hokage’s smiles, however, were a lot livelier than Minato-sensei’s were even though he definitely didn’t share a familial bond with him. They didn’t even share any sort of bond beyond that of a superior and his subordinate.

Still, he couldn’t deny that it did lift a certain weight off his shoulders to be greeted like that. It was… nice to have someone look so happy just to see him alive and well.

Kakashi wondered if he greeted all his returning shinobi in the same manner. Didn’t it get tiring after a while? How many people visited his office every day? And that number only increased when one counted the times he worked at the mission desk or when he went on one of his strolls through the village.

People had nothing but praises for their young Hokage, citing his genuineness and instances where he would even help those in need with the most menial of tasks if he saw someone in need of a hand.

It was clear that people loved him but Kakashi still couldn’t help but question what part of it was real and what part of it was false. He _had_ witnessed firsthand the extent of the Hokage’s skills in managing his public appearance and in his skills in deception, after all. Was even the smile he gave Kakashi fake?

Somehow the thought sent a pang of disappointment up his chest but once the thought was planted, it bugged at him uncomfortably like an itch.

He didn’t want it to bother him so much. He was shinobi after all and ANBU at that. He can’t let it bother him. His duty was to his village and to his Hokage whether he meant his smiles or not. But defying all logic he could throw at it, it still bothered him anyway.

He didn’t see the Hokage without his smile often though. It was something he had come to associate with him. The sun shone and the Hokage smiled and faked or not, it still sent the same warmth even if a sense of coldness settled within him in the moments afterwards.

So it was quite an experience when, one day, a loud bellow of rage echoed down the hall of the Hokage Tower at the same time he was making his way up.

Kakashi was quite surprised at the volume and frustration packed into that one yell but true to his ninja training, he didn’t even so much as twitch. He had never heard the Hokage sound like that before.

Seconds later a small child with blond hair was racing his way, head turned back to blow a raspberry at the seething Hokage storming after him with robes a-flapping.

He had never seen the Hokage like that before either.

 It didn’t take much effort to pluck the brat up off the ground and hold him up by the scruff of his T-shirt. He wasn’t even watching where he was going.

The blond let out a squawk of surprise at being lifted up so suddenly before struggling furiously to free himself, making double the effort the closer the Hokage got.

The Hokage spared him a quick smile of gratitude and a “Thank you,” before he took the child from his hand and his scowl returned full force.

“Naruto!”

“Hieee!”

Naruto?

Kakashi stared at the blond child held in the Hokage’s grasp, a single thought flickering through his mind.

Minato-sensei.

He held his breath, wondering how the Hokage was going to handle the child viewed all across the village as the scourge of Konoha. Certainly he wouldn’t dare raise a sword to the Hokage but he would still do anything else it took to protect the last remnant Kushina and Minato-sensei left behind.

With that thought in mind, Kakashi tensed subtly in preparation to interfere as he continued to watch the scene unfold.

“What do you think you were doing in my office instead of at the Academy?” the Hokage demanded, one hand on his hip as he dangled Naruto up to eye level.

Naruto pouted and folded his arms across his chest. “The Academy is boring! They have nothing interesting to teach there! Sensei won’t show me some cool jutsus and all the other kids make fun of me! It pisses me off! Why can’t _you_ teach me? You’re nicer than all those other people! And… And…”

He stopped there, voice hitching.

The Hokage pursed his lips, a wash of emotions crossing his face but the most prominent of them all was a sad look of sympathy.

“Naruto,” the Hokage addressed, his tone a bit softer as he finally put the boy down and knelt to his level.

But Naruto looked away, glaring angrily at the wall.

With the same gentle, patient tones, the Hokage appealed to the boy again. “Naruto.”

Naruto bit his lip and slowly turned back to the Hokage with a bowed head. “S’not fair. Why’re they so mean?”

The Hokage put a gentle hand to his shoulder and when Naruto looked up with teary eyes, a smile warm enough to make Kakashi’s breath hitch slightly bloomed across his lips, so full of kindness and understanding that it was almost painful for him to look at.

“Sometimes when people don’t understand something or someone, they act mean towards them. Right now, nobody understands you so they act mean to you.”

“So… they don’t understand me?”

The Hokage nodded. “That’s right.”

“Then how do I make them understand?” Naruto immediately demanded.

“Do you remember why you wanted to become a shinobi?”

“Of course! I want to be Hokage like you so that everyone’d like me like they like you!”

The Hokage laughed. “That’s right. By aiming to become Hokage, you’re already proving that you’re more than what people think you are and if you work hard at it, I know they’ll all eventually see that too.”

“Yeah!” Naruto agreed enthusiastically.

“And that’s also why you have to go to Academy,” the Hokage continued giving blond locks a quick ruffle, much to Naruto’s delight. “We can’t have a Hokage who can’t read kanji now can we?”

Naruto pouted but nonetheless he replied with another yes.

“Also when you are done with classes, you’re to come right back to help me clean up the mess you made in my office!”

Naruto began to whine but one stern glare from the Hokage shut him up.

Looking satisfied, the Hokage continued. “Good. Then I trust you can find your way back to your class?”

“Yeah!”

“Off you go then!”

“Okay! Bye, Iru-nii!”

Naruto ran off waving and the Hokage waved back as he stood.

When Naruto had disappeared from sight, the Hokage turned towards him with a slightly sheepish look. “I’m terribly sorry about that. I must have kept you waiting. Naruto sometimes drops by to wreak the occasional havoc up here.”

The Hokage began towards his office and Kakashi followed, listening intently.

“You’re often gone so you probably don’t know about that. People have learned to steer clear when I catch him up to his mischief,” the Hokage chuckled. “He’s a good boy but he likes to get into trouble to get attention. It’s often a sign that he wants some form of affection or something’s bothering him.”

They arrived at the office which had ink streaked everywhere as though an ink bomb had gone off inside. Kakashi closed the door behind himself as the Hokage strode back behind his desk which was littered with a multitude of scrolls marred with ink doodles.

“I know you were thinking I was brushing it a bit close earlier with what I told him about people not understanding,” he continued conversationally as he went through the open ruined scrolls.

He did but he hadn’t dared speak out of turn.

“But I don’t think it’s in Naruto’s best interest to lie about it either. Of course, he doesn’t need to know now when he’s still so young but he’ll find out about it sooner or later and I’m worried about _how_ he might find out. Before that happens, I want him to know that there are people who still love him as he is.”

The Hokage sighed and lifted one of the scrolls up for Kakashi to see. This one had a picture of what looked to be a dog chasing a cat under the circle of a sun though it was hard to tell with how sloppy it was. For all he knew, it could actually be a bird and a cloud.

Shaking his head, he rolled up the scroll and placed it aside.

“Naruto means no harm with what he does but I can’t let him start thinking it’s an acceptable way of gaining my attention. I want him to know that if he wants it, he only needs to ask for it.”

Kakashi nodded slowly, glad and even relieved to know that Minato-sensei’s son had such strong support from both the Sandaime and the Godaime. For a moment he had feared…

The Hokage spared him a glance from his task in cleaning up his desk and grinned.

“Would you like to be updated about Naruto?”

The question startled Kakashi. He hadn’t been expecting that at all. Why…

“I know about your sensei,” the Hokage continued softly, shuffling ink-splattered papers together.

Kakashi’s heart squeezed.

The Hokage looked up at him again. “I know what it’ll mean to you.”

“… Sandaime-sama wouldn’t—”

“Yes, but I’m the Godaime now,” the Hokage dismissed patiently. He sat back in his chair and quirked a brow at him. “If you’re concerned, you can speak with him about it but frankly, I don’t see the problem. You were close to Naruto’s father, you already have some of the highest clearance in the village, and the Sandaime would understand. I think the real question is whether or not you want to know enough to ask for the information.”

The Hokage then cast a meaningful look at him, waiting for Kakashi’s response because he would _have_ to ask if he wanted to know, he realized.

The Hokage may know he had an interest but he couldn’t, or rather, he _wouldn’t_ tell him anything before he outwardly expressed interest for himself because the Hokage didn’t want this to be about a superior updating a subordinate about the status of one of their pre-genin shinobi students. The Hokage wanted this to be about Umino Iruka updating Hatake Kakashi about the status of Uzumaki Naruto, from one person who cared for Naruto to another who shared the same interest in watching him grow.

How novel, this personal touch to authority, Kakashi mused, marveling with mind whirling. But he couldn’t bring himself to dislike it. It was warm and genuine in a way that few things in the shinobi world were. Or perhaps, he amended, mind flickering to the friends and teammates he still had left, in a way that he had almost forgotten.

At that moment, Kakashi got the strange feeling that he had just lost in something but _what_ exactly it was that he lost _in_ was puzzling. Regardless, this kind of resignation wasn’t so bad and for the second time since he met him, Kakashi found himself intrigued by this man who would dare to try reconciling the two opposing sides of the single coin on which they exist: absolute authority and obedience on one hand, humanity on another.

“I would like to know,” Kakashi found himself saying quietly, slowly taking off his porcelain mask. “Please tell me, Iruka-sama.”

Iruka’s smile was dazzling.

\---

They didn’t meet often. Work and duty demanded most of their time more often than not but when the opportunity did arise, Iruka would invite him to some tea with him and they would sit together on the veranda facing his private garden and converse.

Despite what these sessions were originally supposed to be for though, he didn’t just talk about Naruto. He also talked about a lot of other things, sometimes things as mundane as his week and sometimes things as personal as his annoyance at that one desk worker who, if he didn’t get his priorities straight and soon, he was going to get a rude wakeup call via a kick in the ass.

Kakashi was still hesitant about talking as freely with Iruka as Iruka talks to him. He was, after all, still his superior. It was just that their rank was laxer in this kind of scenario.

Despite this, however, Iruka _still_ managed to pull him into conversation. Though Kakashi never divulged much of anything personal and Iruka never asked, he found pleasant company in him nonetheless. Iruka proved to be an insightful and intelligent conversation partner with a certain sense of humor and a playful nature.

Iruka never hesitated in letting his opinions be heard though the level of politeness and tact with which it was delivered depended largely on the situation and his temper at the time. If there was one thing Kakashi learned about Iruka over the course of these sporadic informal meetings spanning across several months it was that in some ways, Iruka was just like Kakashi’s first impression of him: honest to a fault and just as soft which only made it all the more baffling how he was able to nonetheless make such an effective Hokage.

“You’re good at predicting people’s responses, aren’t you?”

Iruka glanced over at him over the rim of his ceramic tea cup in confusion.

“Hmm? Where’d that come from?”

Kakashi shrugged, looking down at his own half-filled cup. “I was just thinking about our first meeting.”

“Aah that,” Iruka said with not a little amusement. “You’re still thinking about that?”

“Among other things.”

Iruka grinned and turned his body a little more to face Kakashi. It seemed like he was deriving some fun out of this. “Well, what are your thoughts?”

“I think you have a way of not only reading people but also knowing them. You’re observant so you’re able to pick out the smallest signs of what someone might be thinking.”

“Mmm I’d say you’re about half right,” Iruka said as he took a bite of a senbei cracker from the tray between them on the bench.

“But that’s not all.”

“Right, that’s not all.”

Kakashi frowned slightly as he mulled it over.

In order to be as adept at reading people to the degree Iruka had taken it, he would have to have a certain understanding of people, to be able to connect with them on the most basic and fundamental level. Does that mean—

“ _Sympathy_ , Kakashi. I’m very good at it. Actually, it might be the one special skill I have,” Iruka confirmed, sharing his line of thought. He waved the cracker between his fingers and took another bite of it.

Sympathy. In a world as dark as theirs, things such as sympathy would’ve been regarded as a weakness. Shinobi can’t kill their enemies and do what they must if they’re _sympathetic_ but somehow, Iruka turned out differently. He had taken his emotionality and turned it into a strength, molding it to fit within the boundaries of duty and blood just as Obito had, just as Rin had, and just as Minato-sensei had but which was something Kakashi still had hesitations about.

He couldn’t help but be filled with admiration for those people who have borne witness to the cruelty the world had to offer and yet still want to care so deeply, having seen over and over how far the strength of a person’s feelings can take someone.

At that moment of realization, Kakashi knew that Iruka was someone to be admired and respected.

“I can also use my chakra to subtly sway how a person feels and even what they’re thinking if we’re adequately in sync with each other but I don’t like to do that unless I have to. I don’t like manipulating people like that.”

“But you’ll do it if you must,” Kakashi stated softly.

“I’ll do it if I must,” Iruka affirmed, nodding gravely.

\---

The door to his room in the ANBU wing of the hospital, accessible only by authorized personnel, opened and Kakashi turned his head languidly to meet his visitor.

Iruka walked in with a faint smile on his face. “Hello, Kakashi. How are you feeling?” he asked as he shut the door behind himself.

Kakashi took a second to consider the question.

He had been sent with his team on a reconnaissance mission and had come back with vital intelligence which the enemy hadn’t been too keen on letting them escape alive with. They had managed to make it back bloodied and battered but Kakashi, as squad leader, had gone to report it right away for immediate action so that his teammates could get to the hospital. Right after his message was delivered, he promptly collapsed and blacked out on the floor of Iruka’s office from his injuries and the strain.

Well, it wasn’t his worst hospitalization to date. His chest ached from the deep sword slash, his legs throbbed slightly from where an earth jutsu pierced them, his head was pounding a little, and he felt utterly drained but he felt fine otherwise.

“Could be worse,” Kakashi summarized in the end.

 Iruka laughed. “I know. Report?”

And Kakashi did, this time with the full details of his mission.

“I see,” Iruka said, brows scrunching and a small frown on his face. “Iwa has been getting rather bold lately but I don’t think they’re the only ones at work here.” He smiled then. “Good work making it back as quickly as you did.”

Kakashi grinned underneath his medical mask. “S’what I’m here for. How’re the others?”

Iruka smiled gently. “They’re fine and it’s all thanks to you,” he assured. “They’re exhausted and roughed up but they’ll recover.”

Kakashi nodded and relaxed back into his pillows. “That’s good,” he muttered.

Iruka hummed and watched him for several moments. It made his skin itch and his senses tingle to be observed like that even by his own Hokage, doubly so since Iruka knew how to read people on a level much higher than a normal shinobi.

“Kakashi, you’re actually a really kind person, aren’t you?” Iruka suddenly asked.

Kakashi’s eye widened.

What?

“But even so, you hide yourself behind a mask and close yourself off. I’ve always wondered how and why you ended up in ANBU,” Iruka murmured, folding his hands into his sleeves, his expression turning a bit clouded.

“I… thought I’d be of more use in ANBU. Minato-sensei was uncertain but I insisted,” Kakashi answered slowly, unsure where the conversation was headed.

“And now?”

“To protect and serve Konoha,” Kakashi said, almost automatically. Wasn’t that the reason why a shinobi would join ANBU or even become a ninja in the first place? Certainly he had initially joined to give himself purpose and direction in life after Rin’s death and then to cope with Minato-sensei’s death after that but now he did it to serve a bigger purpose than himself.

Iruka nodded, seeming somehow sad. “I see…”

 _What do you see?_ Kakashi wanted to ask.

“It seems a bit redundant to ask but…” Iruka smiled but it was wilted, lacking in its usual warmth with something indiscernible lingering like shadows at the edges. “ANBU is darkness, Kakashi. It’s the final frontier for those who either have nothing or everything to lose.” His gaze flickered at him, intent. “But somehow, I get the feeling that you are neither. You’re somewhere in between and that could be dangerous.”

Kakashi didn’t know how to respond to that so he didn’t.

After a beat when it was clear that he wasn’t going to speak, Iruka continued. “Convictions to pure duty as you are now will only carry you through ANBU for so long. I only hope that you would remember yourself by the end of it.”

Kakashi pursed his lips, feeling a weight settle in his stomach.

The words felt indescribably heavy.

On some level, he had always been aware of what Iruka had told him but he had never really thought too much into it. To him, ANBU had always just been a way of life. He got his missions and he completed them. There wasn’t much to think _about_. It just _was_. But now that Iruka was blatantly pointing it out, it seemed to bring everything out suddenly into knife-point _focus_ and Kakashi didn’t know what to make of the jumble everything had become in his mind.

“I have my teammates,” Kakashi said in token protest but it was weak and by the way Iruka raised a brow drolly at him, he knew it too.

“Do you really want to fight for other ANBU members?” he asked dryly.

No, Kakashi didn’t. The very idea was absurd. For one thing, ANBU weren’t people. They were supposed to be empty vessels filled only with the village’s and the Hokage’s prerogative. Those masks they donned served more than to preserve an ANBU member’s identity. They presented them with a persona to assume under, serving to disconnect the person from the atrocities they needed to commit and the atrocities that are in turn committed towards them.

For another thing that made the idea even more ludicrous was that an ANBU’s entire reason they even breathed was for Konoha so for an ANBU to want to fight for another ANBU was hysterical.

“Well, I shouldn’t keep you from your rest any longer,” Iruka said and it was amazing how Kakashi could now pick out when his smiles were fake or not. “I’m sure the last thing you want is to have this conversation with your Hokage while you’re hospitalized. Good work again and I will see you another time.”

With a nod, Iruka turned and left, closing the door softly behind and leaving Kakashi in thoughtful silence.

\---

On the rare days Kakashi wasn’t on a mission, in the hospital, training, or simply resting, he was out with his friends, usually Tenzou or Gai when they purposefully sought him out, but very occasionally, people outside of them would come along and either invite him or join him. What they did together varied with the person he was with and sometimes they would even decide to get together as a group.

Kakashi didn’t mind spending time with his comrades. It gave him an opportunity to see what they were like beyond the professional masks demanded of them by missions though he never participated in their more boisterous antics if he could help it.

This time, he sat with Tenzou and Genma at a table in a restaurant for lunch, having been discharged from the hospital earlier that day on a recuperation period.

“It’s good to see you up and about, senpai,” Tenzou said, nodding with his words, movements careful as he rested his arms comfortably on the table, mindful of the slash on the upper part of his left limb.

“Not that he doesn’t land in the hospital every other day,” Genma grinned, ever-present senbon waggling between his lips as he spoke. “If I didn’t know any better, I could swear you live there.”

“Maa, it’s not like I enjoy ending up there. It just happens,” Kakashi defended, spreading his hands out helplessly.

He _really_ didn’t like those trips but he wasn’t exactly stupid enough not to go to a hospital if his injuries were life-threatening even if the gatekeepers didn’t alert the medic-nins stationed at the gate. Unfortunately, life-threatening wounds and A and S-rank missions tended to go hand in hand.

“You’ve got it pretty hard, huh? Maybe you should ask the Hokage to ease up on you a little. I’m sure he’ll grant it,” Genma suggested, slinging an arm casually over the back of his chair.

Kakashi only shrugged at that. He didn’t really want to tell Genma that he didn’t mind going on missions. He’d probably get all incredulous and gape-y at him.

“Senpai doesn’t take _breaks_ ,” Tenzou grumbled for him, giving Kakashi the stink eye. They had, on more than one occasion, even argued over it but of course, Kakashi always prevailed by the sheer power of being able to make Tenzou’s life a living hell.

Kakashi grinned at him just to annoy him further. “You know me so well,” he said sweetly.

Tenzou made a vaguely disturbed face at him and took a gulp of water to avoid having to look at his mug.

Kakashi’s grin widened.

“Well better be careful you don’t overdo it. The Hokage keeps tight tabs on basically everyone’s status. If you’re not careful, he might pull you from the field,” Genma told him, sounding amused at the exchange he had just witnessed.

“He won’t,” Kakashi said with a hundred percent confidence. The conversation at the hospital basically sealed it. Iruka knew he lived by ANBU and that without their missions he wouldn’t even have a first clue what to do with himself.

“Oh yeah? And how could you be so sure?” Genma asked lazily as their first order of soba arrived. He thanked the waitress with a charming smile, plucked the senbon from his mouth, and took up a pair of chopsticks to begin eating.

“I just am,” Kakashi assured, slowly picking up his own chopsticks as Tenzou began on his own share.

It’s too bad Genma didn’t know he was in ANBU otherwise he would’ve let up already. As it was, he only snorted and mumbled through a mouthful of noodles, “Well you better think twice about that. Hokage-sama is a bit… different from the other Hokages, I would say.”

Kakashi took the chance of both of his companions’ inattention to finish his food in one fell swoop, tugging up his mask just as they both looked up. Genma’s face turned a mix of disbelief and exasperation at the sight of his empty bowl. Tenzou remained unfazed, used to Kakashi’s rather incredible eating habits.

“How the fuck is that even possible?” Genma growled, glaring at the bowl as if it would give him the answers if he just stared hard enough at it. The bowl remained unimpressed, however, and he gave up with a roll of his eyes. “Anyway, Hokage-sama isn’t like the Sandaime or even the Yondaime. He’s more… I guess hands-on when it comes to Konoha and its people, even the shinobi.”

Tenzou let out a noise of agreement through his soba. It seemed Kakashi wasn’t the only one on the receiving end of “special treatment”.

“But it’s funny, y’know,” Genma said with a slight frown, tapping his chopsticks against his bowl absently. “I know him personally because I’m part of his personal guard and he’s really warm and nice to be around and everyone likes him but somehow, he also feels sort of distant to me at the same time, kind of like the sun. Not that I’m saying he’s fake because he might just be one of the most goddamn genuine person I’ve ever met but… it kind of makes you wonder.”

It did. Though it was a bit hard to reconcile it to the smiling and vivacious Hokage he knew, Iruka did in fact have an impressive track record as a shinobi, which was strictly confidential, unsurprisingly. When Kakashi thought about it, that kindness had to have come at a cost which was probably hidden deep behind smiles and concern and temper. Iruka, a master of barriers and layers upon layers in more ways than one.

Genma cleared his throat in embarrassment when he realized just how far off topic and slightly philosophical he had just gotten and hastily wrapped up that particular topic of conversation by saying, “Well in any case, just watch yourself and the Hokage won’t keep you off the roster on forced vacation.”

A bit redundant for advice aimed towards him but Kakashi nodded anyway.

“So anyway, anyone heard what happened with Anko?”

\---

Kakashi knew about Iruka’s jaunts around the village. Just like the Sandaime before him, he loved to walk around and interact with the villagers and shinobi. The sight was common enough around Konoha but still, of all the places he would’ve expected to see him in, up a tree was not one of them.

After debating with himself briefly, he decided it couldn’t hurt to at least see why he was up there.

Of course, no matter how stealthy he was as he climbed up, he couldn’t quite escape Iruka’s notice and he could hear the mirth in his voice as he said, “If you wanted to know what I was doing, you could’ve just asked.”

Giving up on simply catching a peek and then leaving, Kakashi alighted on the branch Iruka was sitting on instead.

Below them on a downward slope of a grassy hill next to a river were three genin vigorously training (though it looked more like messing up to Kakashi) under the careful supervision of their jounin sensei. He failed to see what was so interesting.

“You know, I’ve always wanted to have a genin team,” Iruka told him idly, planting an elbow on his leg and resting his head in his hand. “But I never really got the chance with all the missions they piled on me.”

Kakashi eyed the brats contemplatively. He couldn’t imagine himself teaching. How would he even go about it? 

“There’s something appealing about passing down a piece of not only yourself but the people who came before to future generations,” he said. There was something gentle in his eyes as he watched the scene in front of him.

Kakashi looked over at Iruka with a half-lidded gaze, affecting an air of bored indifference. “Are you trying to tell me something, Iruka-sama?”

Iruka merely raised a brow, a shadow of an amused grin on his face. “I’m not trying to tell you _anything_ , Kakashi. I’m merely stating my thoughts. Maybe you’re the one who’s implying something to yourself.”

Kakashi wisely chose not to respond to that, instead turning his attention to the jounin.

She didn’t seem to be aware of their observation or if she did, she gave no signs.

“So why are you out here?” Kakashi asked, a question he wouldn’t have even raised if he were Hound. But he wasn’t Hound right now. He was Kakashi and, for all the village knew, a jounin.

“Just felt like it. This place was where my own sensei took us to train most of the time. It’s nostalgic.”

“Who was your sensei?”

“Kaneoto Azayaka,” Iruka replied, expression softening as he gazed somewhere beyond the field in front of him and Kakashi was struck by how much younger he looked.

Kakashi flipped through his rather extensive memory.

“He was renowned for his wind jutsu,” he remembered.

Iruka nodded with a faint smile of fond memory. “That he was. My teammates and I loved him and his slightly carefree, airheaded ways.”

His face melted into something a little more wistful and sorrowful.

“He died for us when we were genin. For someone who cherished and enjoyed life as much as he could in his own little ways, it told us a lot about how much he loved us. Before he died, he told us that more than how to do jutsu or throw kunai or duty to the village, he wanted us to learn how to live so that whatever path we chose to follow, we would never regret it.”

Kakashi stared down intently at the children as he asked, “Do you?”

Iruka hummed, leaning back and bracing his arms against the branch.

“I’ve had lots of regrets,” he answered quietly. “I’ve even torn myself apart making choices I never wanted to make only to find myself dwelling on the ‘what ifs’ later on. But no matter what you do, uncertainty and regret is what makes shinobi life and I can’t make the fear of regrets something that decides my actions. If I do, I know that that’s a path I’ll definitely regret even more in the future and that would dishonor the lesson Azayaka-sensei tried to teach me.”

Iruka sat back up, every line of his face and body straightened into one of stony determination.

“Ultimately, there will always be regret and sorrow but though there’ll be times I question my decisions, at least the direction I take my life will be something I could never regret.”

“I see,” Kakashi simply said and from beside him, he could glimpse the slight smile lingering like a faint mist in the corner of Iruka’s mouth.

“Of course you do.”

\---

It was deep night when Kakashi returned to the village, battered and bruised with scrapes and cuts here and there but none the worse for wear.

Slipping through the secret passageway into the village meant exclusively for ANBU, he ordered the rest of his team to disperse with a flick of his hand. As squad leader, it’s his duty to report to Iruka but given the time, he was probably already home sleeping. Still, it didn’t mean he couldn’t check.

He made his way swiftly to the Hokage Tower. He wasn’t exactly expecting anything so he was surprised to find that the lights on the topmost floor were still lit.

With quiet steps, he entered the building stealthily.

The halls were dark and empty, completely devoid of people save for those on patrol. He easily stole through them undetected, aware of the hidden eyes and presence of other ANBU lurking the shadows but they left him alone on his journey.

Finally arriving at the double doors leading to the Hokage’s office, he tapped at the wood lightly with a knuckle and entered.

Iruka glanced up at him from behind piles of paperwork and upon seeing who it was, managed to muster a tired smile despite the fact he looked like he hadn’t slept properly for the past several weeks, something that Kakashi was noticing he did a lot though he never saw him up so late at night until now.

“Ah, Kakashi. I’m glad to see you back. How are you?” Iruka asked softly almost as though he were incapable or unwilling speak in a volume louder than just above a whisper.

Kakashi frowned slightly behind his mask at the shape his Hokage was in.

From the looks of it, he was probably up all week, his face drawn and tight. The hat that usually perched on his head was instead sitting on the desk on top of some files and a tray laden with a pot of tea and a ceramic teacup told Kakashi that Iruka was probably living off tea again.

Far be it for him to judge Iruka’s work ethics and Hokage was a demanding position to be in but though he was filled with nothing but approval in the beginning, he found over the many months that he didn’t exactly enjoy seeing Iruka in such an overworked state.

Iruka was dedicated to his village, there were no questions about it, but during times like these when he willingly caged himself for days on end in order to quietly decay behind his desk, Kakashi wondered who stood with him then. Actually, he amended, in dawning realization, how many people even _knew?_

Iruka was _good_ at keeping things inside. He may be expressive but he was expressive in a way that covered things up, that misdirected attention to the more easily seen surface that people couldn’t see beyond exactly because he was so genuine. By expressing his true thoughts and emotions incurred during interactions, he hid whatever may lay deeper beneath such as his worries and his doubts.

 _That_ was the distance Genma spoke of, a distance carefully crafted by Iruka so people won’t see anything but a strong Hokage who could make every little hurt go away.

“I’m fine, Iruka-sama,” Kakashi dutifully replied, stepping forward to hand him the scroll from his retrieval mission.

Iruka took it and listened to him as he reported. When he finished he nodded and opened the scroll.

“Thank you and good work, Kakashi. You should go get some rest. It’s late. In fact, you should’ve come in bright and early the next morning,” Iruka said, his tired smile still gracing his face. Kakashi was positive that it was for his benefit more than anything.

He wanted to say something to him but he couldn’t. It wasn’t in his place. He was ANBU which meant that while his life may be dedicated to the Hokage, it didn’t necessarily mean he was dedicated the same way to Iruka.  

Before he could fully register what he was doing, Kakashi had already nodded his head and left.

 _No_ , he inwardly thought in exasperation, that was _not_ exactly how he wanted that meeting to end! But then how _did_ he want it to end? Working so hard for the village was what being Hokage meant and if he chose to take on more responsibility at the expense of his wellbeing then it was a valiant sacrifice that Kakashi wasn’t going to get in the way of.

But, a little voice piped from his mind, flashing to Minato-sensei and Kushina, if the shinobi took care of the village and the Hokage took care of _everything_ , who took care of Iruka? Iruka had the support of his village but he wasn’t willing to be the one they looked after. He couldn’t be the one they looked after for the sake of his village.

He walked away feeling more frustrated than when he first entered.

It was funny though, he mused. He never would’ve even imagined thinking about things like this and actually struggling with himself over it, not when the Sandaime had still been in reign that period when he took up the Hokage title briefly before passing it on to Iruka, the Hokage who sat down to a chat and a cup of tea in the sun with a half-lost ANBU.

He found himself feeling a little… regretful and with a wry smile, his mind took him back to the conversation they had that sunny day underneath the shifting shadows of the leaves what felt like forever ago though it hadn’t been nearly that long ago.

No, Kakashi couldn’t offer the kind of support Iruka needed. At least, not as ANBU.

\---

The following months saw Iruka growing tenser and tenser. It was really no wonder: the seeds of discontent within the Uchihas were beginning to sprout leaves of rebellion.

Between meetings with the Council and multiple diplomatic entreaties Iruka tried to personally make, he barely had time for anything else.

Kakashi along with a few other ANBU they could spare at the time were given duties relating to the Uchiha discontent. He could feel the unrest deep in his gut, a sense that something was on the horizon, something ugly and foul.

He was particularly concerned for Itachi who was caught in the middle of two opposing storms threatening to rip him in half. He didn’t doubt his loyalty though. Itachi may be young but he had a certain _way_ of seeing the world that eluded even Kakashi. Still, he kept a close eye on him, constantly looking for any signs of distress the situation may have incurred. He was his teammate after all even if he could’ve made squad leader if it weren’t for Iruka’s objections which he fought with the Council to the bitter end over.

Kakashi covertly accompanied Iruka as his bodyguard when he made his diplomatic trips to the Uchiha compound. Iruka hadn’t wanted ANBU at his heels, at least not visibly. It would look as though he were trying to threaten the Uchihas not to mention it could be seen as a sign of distrust. Relations were already tenuous enough without adding another reason for the Uchiha to rebel on the list. At the same time, the cloyingly hostile atmosphere was undeniably risky and so, Iruka had compromised at the insistence of the Council.

Kakashi remained inconspicuous throughout all meetings between Iruka and Fugaku, all senses on high alert as he watched their discussions unfold from the shadows.

The first few times, Iruka was met with a cold, ice wall that only began to thaw if only slightly on the third meeting.

It was a start but tensions still ran high. The majority of the Uchihas were still too dissatisfied to be won over so easily by one personable Hokage and their demands were great, oftentimes accepting no compromise.

“Their frustration and hatred has run too deep for too long,” Iruka had told him quietly, sorrowfully one evening as they walked slowly back to the Hokage Tower under the red-orange light of the dying sun.

His hat threw his face into deep shadow but there was a tired sadness about him that Kakashi didn’t need to see to know. Never before had he been made more aware of a Hokage’s heavy burden than at that moment.

Unsaid were the words, _“I’m not sure there is anything left to be done,_ ” but it rang in Kakashi’s ears as clear as if it had been shouted at him.

Kakashi knew it wouldn’t be easy and he knew that Iruka wouldn’t give up. He _knew_ all this but somehow, in a small part of him he had been trying to ignore, he had hoped Iruka would’ve been able to fix this, to make this hurt go away because he was amiable and sweet yet strong and intelligent so surely, _surely_ …

He was so blind.

Throughout his relatively short life, he had learned time and time again that even the greatest men fell, that sometimes, even they didn’t have all the answers. His father was one, Sandaime was another, Minato-sensei was yet another, and Iruka was no different.

It wasn’t about Iruka as a person. It was about the political atmosphere, the boiling emotions underneath, and the Uchihas and their own agendas that had all become too entrenched to be able to change so quickly.

With just one sentence, Kakashi felt the illusion shatter. Whether unconsciously or not, he had put Iruka on the same pedestal everyone else had. It was distressing, made more so by the fact that he had already seen through it and yet he had _still_ hoped.

He wondered to his shame whether Iruka knew about this shard of guileless and naïve faith in him and whether anyone held that same faith.

His Hokage’s burden seemed to grow so heavy at the thought that Kakashi could almost feel its weight on his own shoulders.

He wanted to apologize but he was Hound right now and ANBU was empty even though Kakashi was feeling anything but at the moment. All he could do was offer his presence as they made their silent way towards the stolid Tower and say nothing of his guilty mind.

\---

“Kakashi-san. A brief moment of your time if you would please.”

Kakashi turned and though Itachi couldn’t see it behind his mask, he raised his brows in surprise.

Rarely did Itachi ever address him outside of his codename while they were still in full ANBU attire.

Kakashi nodded.

“I would like to ask what you fight for, the village or the Hokage.”

Kakashi thought carefully before answering.

“My first duty will always be to my village.”

Itachi nodded slowly. “I see.”

The sudden inquiry brought questions to mind but Itachi was already moving away.

Of course he would always put his village first, always, no matter what but he realized that the one he truly wished to fight for was Iruka.

\---

Everything came to a head one dark, blood-soaked night.

They found out too late. Far too late.

Something had breached the barrier, somehow passing unimpeded and Iruka had gone to investigate. A while later, shinobi were combing the Uchiha district looking for survivors.

They found nothing in the remnants of Itachi’s violent path save a child who now bore the shadowy legacy of an extinct clan and scars that reached deeper than even nightmares could grip.

Had he been wrong about Itachi? Had he missed something that could’ve triggered this massacre? Should he have paid better attention?

The questions ate at him as he went almost mechanically about his duties, feeling a perpetual numbness enshroud him until the night Kakashi found Iruka sitting on the railing of the Tower’s roof overlooking the dark village spread before them with the wind tugging at his robes and hat.

The first question Iruka had asked him was, “Are you alright?”

Kakashi felt his balance tip, a rush of incredulousness engulfing him.

Was _he_ alright? _Was he alright?_ Iruka had probably worked long, sleepless nights again dealing with the enormous aftermath of the Uchiha massacre including outlining plans for a new shinobi police enforcement system, overseeing the burning of the Uchihas’ bodies, accommodating a now traumatized nine-year-old boy, and readjusting the village to the loss of one of Konoha’s biggest assets to name a few. But most of all, despite the fact that the weight of duty and responsibility fell most heavily upon Iruka, he was asking Kakashi if he was _okay._

Kakashi pursed his lips angrily and said coolly, “I’m not, Iruka-sama.”

“I can listen.”

Kakashi ripped off his ANBU mask, wishing that Iruka would turn around and face him.

“I’m not okay because I realized that I can’t find the answers I sought for in ANBU. I’m not okay because one of my own subordinates was suffering right under my nose and I didn’t even notice because I’m too busy trying to be empty. But most of all, I’m not okay because _you_ insist on acting okay.”

He hated Iruka’s composure. He hated the way he hid. He hated the way Iruka cared.

Iruka simply continued to sit in calm silence holding that damnable cup full of cold tea between his hands.

“Ah,” was all Iruka said, as though prompting him to continue.

Kakashi faltered at that. No, this wasn’t how he should do this. All he was doing now was forcing Iruka’s façade and barriers up, more so if he thought it was for his sake.

So Kakashi stepped forward, one foot in front of the other until he was standing a little behind Iruka and slowly held out his mask.

Iruka did turn then, looking first at the mask and then up at Kakashi with an assessing expression on his face before taking the mask between his hands and turning back towards the village with a hum.

“Good work,” he said quietly, looking down at the porcelain depiction of a hound.

Kakashi sat on the railing beside Iruka and bowed at the waist as he replied, “Thank you.”

After a moment of silence during which they simply sat together in each other’s company, Iruka began to say softly, “You know, I’ve always wanted to use my powers to protect.” He traced his fingers across smooth white surface as he spoke. “That’s why I decided to master the use of barriers but even so, there are still so many things I cannot protect, things that I cannot protect others _from_. But this…”

He waved the mask with a touch of a real smile on his lips that Kakashi hoped to see more of in the future.

“This reminds me that there are things that I could still protect. Thank you, Kakashi.”

Kakashi grinned. “You’re welcome, Iruka-sama.”

**Author's Note:**

> Aaand done. Aaah, straddling the line with Kakashi. At this point in life, I feel that Kakashi would have taken Obito's lessons to heart, making him a better person, but he's also sort of still trying to find his way as well. It's kind of tough because I wanted to depict him as someone starting to break through his own walls but he's not quite the Kakashi we're all familiar with, not until he reintegrates himself to society after the isolation ANBU would've forced him into.
> 
> I wanted to add something more at the end but that was too good a place to stop. Initially, I was going to follow the manga but then I thought to myself, for how long? Until chapter 699? (chapter 700 doesn't exist to me sorry feels too forced) So then I thought I'd write something in a more indefinable timeline with something more established between the two but then I realized I kind of needed all this as a sort of background to their interactions so I finished this first argh.
> 
> I guess if I manage to overcome my mild writer's block, I could write the rest of what I had planned for Hokage!Iruka (why is there ANBU!Iruka and Hokage!Kakashi but never Hokage!Iruka?) Anyway, sorry for this absurdly long note. Hope to see you again!


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